Old People Holding Hands

This is Bruce and Matilda’s photo submission for the...

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 01:23:33 -0400

This is Bruce and Matilda’s photo submission for the Coziest Kitchen Contest being held by their local newspaper. Matilda had had their shirts professionally pressed specially for this occasion. You can’t even tell that the “wallpaper” is actually a bedsheet, can you? Bruce hadn’t gotten around to painting yet, his knees were tired. Gosh darn it, Matilda was going to win that stainless steel turkey baster if it was the last thing she did.

The photograph turned out lovely. Too bad all of their plates were in the dishwasher.

Bethanny had never seen such an oceanus ocean in all of her...

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 01:05:00 -0400

Bethanny had never seen such an oceanus ocean in all of her days. Her local leisure pool certainly hadn’t prepared her for waves of this stature.

Bethanny - “Marv, you told me this was going to be like Aquafit, I can’t see the bottom Marv, Marv I feel a shell.”

Marv - “Look atcha B, you’re a nautical natural. Look atcha in your brand new suit, you look the spitting image of Pam Anderson, just look atcha, a bathing beauty.

Henny knew Harold was just being sour over his spoiled...

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 15:42:21 -0400

Henny knew Harold was just being sour over his spoiled breakfast; he so hated when the yolk of his egg turned solid on the pan. They would secretly hold hands under the coffee table after supper while each reading their books. Henny was suddenly struck with the realization that she would miss tonight’s episode of the Bachelorette while this painting was being done. She glanced into the horizon with sadness.

“Ever since Agatha had switched Arthritis medications she...

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 15:32:14 -0400

“Ever since Agatha had switched Arthritis medications she felt a lot more perky and flexible. Well, that’s what she said,” thought Raymond.

Roy and Roberta had made sure to colour coordinate their outfits...

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:46:35 -0400

Roy and Roberta had made sure to colour coordinate their outfits that day. Bus tour or not, it was easy to lose each other in unfamiliar cities. Roy thought his sweetheart looked ravishing in her new bucket hat. Roberta licked a spot of mustard off of his collar. They would eat bagged ham sandwiches for lunch and then saunter towards the souvenir shop.

Maurice - “We’re being featured on what? Blog? Never...

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 13:33:01 -0400

Maurice - “We’re being featured on what? Blog? Never seen it.”

Janice - “Oh hush Dennis, quick, forget hand holding, do something drastic! The grandkids will never believe this.”

Harold - “Look at those ducks. Eating crumbs and pooping....

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:14:23 -0400

Harold - “Look at those ducks. Eating crumbs and pooping. Pooping and eating crumbs. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Bethany-Anne - “At any rate, Phil and Mary’s anniversary was yesterday and I’m just itching to make them a pan of date squares. Would you look at those ducks? Abomination. I have crumbs in my sandals.”

Puppy love blossomed into a beautiful relationship between Max...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:04:12 -0400

Puppy love blossomed into a beautiful relationship between Max and Toby . Sure, Toby can’t get a bone anymore and his beard’s gone grey, but Max still thinks he’s the cutest canine on the block. He keeps him on a tight leash though; even though they’re gay, interfering bitches be crazy.

Their anniversary had coincidentally fallen on the half-priced...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 10:46:07 -0400

Their anniversary had coincidentally fallen on the half-priced pancake day at Denny’s. Accompanied by the senior’s discount, this meal was going to cost next to nothing. Phil and Mary shuffled quickly across the street; they dreaded sitting in the drafty booth next to the door. Phil noted that this year was already looking up and that his left shoelace was undone.

Lily isn’t impressed by tourist landmarks but pretends she...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 15:09:00 -0400

Lily isn’t impressed by tourist landmarks but pretends she is; Don is so enjoying their trip.

Don isn’t impressed by tourist landmarks but pretends he is; Lily is so enjoying their trip.

They forgot to feed the goldfish.

“Quick Martin, the photographic machine will be able to...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:58:00 -0400

“Quick Martin, the photographic machine will be able to notice our clasping of palms, cover our hands with a newspaper. There, how very clever. Thank heavens, the village shall not catch word of our PDA. Now quickly, frown as much as possible, heaven forbid our marriage appear a happy one.”

Lori’s husband has been out of town on business —...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:56:00 -0400

Lori’s husband has been out of town on business — for 31 years. Jim works in the local deli, and Lori is taken aback by his dapper trousers and ability to make a spicy pulled pork sandwich. Young love is overrated.

The breaking in of new trainers was a tedious task that Maureen...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:42:00 -0400

The breaking in of new trainers was a tedious task that Maureen and Gary were determined to achieve before the first snow. In a daze, Maureen daydreams of steaming cider and dribbles on her headscarf. Gary dislikes the state of the city sidewalks.

Ethel has an affinity for floral skirts on Fridays. Frederic...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:28:10 -0400

Ethel has an affinity for floral skirts on Fridays. Frederic would like some Shortbread so they stroll to the nearest supermarket. It won’t help Fred’s digestion, but nevermind, it’s a beautiful afternoon.